I must have skipped over this part in the Parenting 101 presentation.
The part that says if you kneel on the linoleum in the bathroom floor in such a way that you would be able to see into your child's mouth and thus confirm that you are actually brushing their teeth properly, then the blood vessel(s) that run across your knee cap will EXPLODE.
Not even joking.
And that the very nearly asleep current husband will crack one eyelid, mumble something about his wife being a hypochondriac and pull the covers up a little higher over his shoulder. So I sat for a bit with scary veins throbbing and burning and watching my knee turn purple, knocked out some Dr. Oz dvr events and went to bed.
One a side note: This has happened once before. once. And that time involved same current husband, a fierce competition, and a bright yellow tennis ball hurtling toward my ankle at who knows how many million miles an hour.
And that was my own fault because I looked at said fast moving ball, thought "My husband would not really be trying to hit me with that" and stood my ground. I didn't move an inch. Which I probably should have because that ball collided with the knobby little bone on the outside of my ankle, exploded the blood vessel there and felt exactly the same as what just happened to my knee.
This is what it looked like in the morning.
So weird. I was sure when I told my mother about it the next morning she would be all kinds of concerned and have very motherly advice on why it happened and how not to let it happen again. NOPE. Verdict from the mom column: It happens, get over it.
So. I'm glad it's not shorts weather outside. And don't you think that knees are kind of ugly and strange looking anyway, aside from the giant purple bruises?